A few hours ago I was at the Navy Exchange and I couldn’t help but overhear this guy say to the woman who was with him, “You’re a f***king retard, that’s why you need to have me with you to buy this s**t.” They passed in front of me while he was talking like that & I saw they had with them a boy that looked like my son’s age & a girl who is a toddler.
When I was in Italy, one time I was at the grocery store when I heard a fellow Filipina. She was obviously arguing with what I assume was either her boyfriend or husband because there were kids with them. She was talking loudly & cussing at him in Filipino while the poor guy was trying to calm her down, with no success. Why were they fighting? From what I heard, because he didn’t park where she wanted & because he happened to greet a pretty acquaintance who was on her way out while they were going into the store. Since they were blocking my access to the milk, I excused myself, but couldn’t help but notice the look of embarrassment on the guy’s face while the woman kept up her nonstop ranting. The Italians around us obviously didn’t understand what this woman was talking about, but the tone & volume of her voice said it all. Everyone couldn’t help but notice & walk away sheepishly.
On my walk home, their car passed by & I saw the woman hitting the guy while he was driving. I felt sorry not only for the guy but also for their kids who had to witness this, & was alarmed at the possibility of a car accident involving not only them but others as well.
She may have other legitimate reasons for being angry at the guy. But I personally think that when you’re angry, you don’t have to resort to hitting, cussing or insults. These are all signs of an abusive person, especially when it’s done on a regular basis.
The best reason not to hit, cuss or insult your guy or gal is this - you don’t have to, & if you truly love this person, you shouldn’t. A withering glance and a few choice words should be enough to express any anger or resentment, and should be done in the privacy of your own home. If you don’t know how to fight or express your anger without getting physically, emotionally or verbally abusive, then you need help. Otherwise, you’ll be ruining your relationship & will be serving as a poor role model for relationships for any kids involved. Those kids will learn that abusive behavior is ‘normal’ and acceptable. They’ll most likely grow up to become either abusers themselves or victims in an abusive relationship. And staying in this kind of relationship isn’t good or healthy either if the abusive person simply can’t or won’t change.
Private arguments should remain private, & should not be waged in public. Please spare us the spectacle.
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Originally published on my friendster blog 1/8/09, with a few revisions.
