Ian says…

My son, like all kids, says the funniest things.  This page is where I’ll write all the adorably silly things my little boy says

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Ian: Mama, I know how we get hot water. There’s lava in the pipes.

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(on video skype)

Eric: Do you know where I’m at? I’m in Bucharest.
Ian: Boogerland?
Eric: (loudly) No. Bucharest, Romania.

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Ian: Mama, how old are you again?
Me: 42.
Ian: You’re old!
Me: No, I’m not.
Ian: Yes, you are!

…anak ko talaga hehehe….sabagay, when I was his age, 42 did seem ancient

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Ian:  How many eyes does God have?  How can he see everything?

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Ian: Mama, can men get pregnant?
Me: No, only women can.
Ian: (whispers to me) Then why is that man’s stomach big?

I am so glad he did not actually point at the man!

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Ian:  Mama, have you heard the Macarena song?

Me: Yeah, it was popular several years ago.

Ian:  When, like in 1886?  

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Last night, while getting ready to brush teeth…

Ian:  Mama, do you have make-up in your bag?

Me:  Um, yeah, I guess face powder, chapstick & lipstick can be called makeup.

Ian:  Why do you wear makeup?

Me:  Well, women use it to make them look prettier.

Ian:  But I don’t see any change in you.

Aray ko! 

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One morning, while brushing his hair & getting ready for school…

Ian:  Mama, do I look sexy?

Me:  No, you look cute!

Ian:  Awww, but I want to look sexy!

Me:  What?!  Why do you want to look sexy?

Ian:  Because I want to!

What the heck…since when does a 7 year old want to look sexy?

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The other night…

Ian:   Mama, can  I play the piano?

Me:  No, anak, their Grandma’s already sleeping.  We don’t want to wake her up.

Ian:  But I’ll play quietly.

Me:  Ian, there’s no such thing! 

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(to the tune of Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’)…

Lady Gaga’s version: oooohh, caught in a bad romance…

Ian:  oooohh, I’m an embarrassing man…

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Ian:  Mama, do you know that daddy seahorses give birth to their babies?

Me:  Really?!  No, I didn’t know that.  Well, what do mommy seahorses do?

Ian:  Nothing, they just look at their husbands giving birth.

Me:  When you grow up, would you like to give birth to your baby like daddy seahorses?

Ian:  No!

Me:  Why not?

Ian:  Because I’ll look ugly giving birth.

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Recently, while giving him a shower:

Ian:  Mama, please don’t smack my butt.  My butt hurts.

Me:  But I like to smack your cute butt.  Mama gigil your butt.

Ian (frowning, in an irritated voice):  Smack your own butt!

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We were telling Ian that his brother, EG, now that he’s 18 is legally an adult & old enough to do certain things, like drive a car, vote, & jokingly added that he could even get married & have kids if he wanted to.  To which Ian responded, “He can have a girlfriend?!”  ‘Yes, even a wife,”  we said.  “Eww, he can kiss girls & share saliva,”  Ian said & started laughing.

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Ian & I have a ritual that when he wakes up, we cuddle & talk before he gets up.  This morning he was telling me about a new internet game he found called Castaway & his pets on the island, when he stopped & said, “Mama, you look different.  You look like a block.”   “What do you mean, a block?”   He draws a square in the air & says, “Your face looks like a block when you’re lying down.”

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When Ian was around 3 years old, he was a little bulol (had a lisp).  He was brushing his teeth, when this brief exchange happened:

Ian:  Mama, gago, gago.

Eric:  Huy, gina-gago ka ng anak mo! (Hey, your son’s calling you crazy!)

Me:  No, he meant ‘gargle, gargle’

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Me: Ian, come here.  My friend just gave birth to a baby boy, this is kinda what you looked like too as a baby. (I wanted to show him a picture of what a newly cut umbilical cord looks like)

Ian:  (looking at the baby’s picture, confusion on his face)  She gave birth to me?

Me: No, anak, she gave birth to her own baby boy.

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We were reading a book about snow.  I turned the page to where the book explains how snow is formed, when Ian interrupts me & says, “Oh, I know how snow is made!  God’s hands are cold, then he does this in the clouds (makes kneading motion with hands), then he throws it back down, & it’s snow!”

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Ian approaches me, giggling…

Ian: (in a sing-song voice) Please eat my plump, juicy boogers!

Me:  Ian, that’s disgusting!  Where’d you get that line?

Ian:  From ‘Captain Underpants.’  He said ‘please’.  (dissolves into a fit of laughter)

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Ian was telling me about his classmate, Lavinia, who wore earrings to school today.  He said, “Mama, some boys, if they’re very handsome, they can wear an earring.  But only one.  If they wear two, they’ll look like a girl.”

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EG, his older brother, got a haircut.  Ian said:  Mama, before, Kuya EG’s face looked like this (draws an oval in the air).  Now his face is like a big circle.

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Ian’s currently hooked on the “Captain Underpants” series. He has three books, all of which he borrowed from the school library. Two days ago he said, “Mama, Captain Underpants said ‘diapers & toilet & poop, oh my!’ & started giggling.   I told him the author most likely got that from ‘lions & tigers & bears, oh my!’ in The Wizard of Oz. This morning, he said, “Mama, I know how to spell ‘boogers’ (and proceeds to correctly spell it for me). It’s in Captain Underpants.”  I don’t know exactly how to respond to that

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Ian was having a hard time thinking of two more words that rhyme with ‘bed.’  He had said, fed, head, red, but couldn’t come up with two more.  I said, “How about ‘dead?”  Ian’s eyes light up & said,  “Like in dede?”  (Tagalog word for breasts).  “No anak, like in ‘The lion ate the dead zebra.”

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Ian:  Mama, Adam & Ian  look alike.  They’re twins!

Me:   You’re right.  They’re called identical twins.  (I then go on to explain the difference  between identical & fraternal twins).

Ian:  Where do identical twins come from?  Do they come out from the mother?

Me:  Yes, they do.

Ian:  That must hurt.  (Pauses, thinks)  So do fraternal twins come out from the father?

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I was reading the kids’ February issue of their school newspaper.  One article mentioned that the elementary school celebrated the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday by watching a video of his speech at an assembly.

Me:  Ian, do you remember what you did at school for Martin Luther King day?

Ian:  Yeah, we watched a video.   He spoke & said that he had a dream.

Me:  What do you remember about the speech?

Ian:  I don’t remember, but he kept saying “I have a dream.  I have a dream.”  He had lots of dreams.

Me:  Can you remember what one of his dreams were?

Ian:  No.  I guess he must have slept a lot ’cause he had lots of dreams.

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While getting ready to brush teeth, Ian told me this:

Ian:  Mama, old men aren’t handsome.  (pauses, clarifies).  Old men with mustaches aren’t handsome.

Me:  Who do you think is handsome, then?

Ian:  Only Papa.

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Newly showered & combed, Ian comes up to me…

Me:  Uy, gwapo!  (Tagalog for handsome)

Ian:  No, I’m not!  I’m very, very gwapo!

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Ian:  Mama, I’m strong & powerful!  Look at my squares!  (lifts t-shirt, inhales, contracts muscles, points)

Me:  Oh, those are called abs, anak.

Ian:  Yes, my squares.  I’m powerful!

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Ian:  Mama, I think Alessandra, Marianna & Giorgia love me.

Me:  What makes you think that, sweetie?

Ian:  Because I run fast!

Six year old logic…love it!